You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.” – Eckhart Tolle
While working through the Steps of an addiction recovery program, it is very common to beat ourselves up for the sins of our past. For many, this may be the first time we have ever had the clearheadedness – along with a newfound, sincere desire to be honest – to address the wreckage we have left in the wake of our past behavior as addicts. So when we get to a point in our recovery program where we “made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” it is oftentimes suggested that we put our names at the very top of that list.
Of course, it’s completely understandable how many of the people we had harmed over the years (especially our family and closest friends) would feel far more deserving of that “Number One” spot on our amends list. After all, from their perspective, our only “claim to fame” was partying our lives away, getting in trouble with the law, losing jobs, stealing and cheating – along with a whole host of other disgusting behavior – without any regard, whatsoever, for anyone else. True as that may be for the vast majority of people gravely hurt by the behavior of alcoholics and drug abusers, it is also quite true that addicts are in no position to make those well-deserved amends to others – until we can make amends to ourselves. And the only way to do that is by putting an end to the irresponsible and self-destructive behavior we have been known for in our past.
If the common airplane emergency directive of “donning your own oxygen mask first” is helpful in illustrating this recovery program dynamic, then use it. Addicts must first be willing to completely change who they once were, behavior wise, before attempting to make amends to others they have hurt. In other words, they must go deep within themselves in order to mine for the innate goodness they were born with. That “goodness” did not just disappear the moment they became addicted to alcohol, drugs, or the multitude of other destructive addictions – it merely was pushed aside and forgotten, much like a little boy’s teddy bear is after the boy reaches a certain age. Rediscovering one’s goodness is the only hope a recovering addict has to ever effectively make things right with those he’s hurt in the past.
As stated earlier, it is very easy for those of us in recovery programs to sometimes overly focus on our bad ways, bad behavior, and bad choices demonstrated during our drinking and drugging careers. It’s too easy to forget that loving, child of God we once were before we sold our souls to our addictions. I often refer to this descension as the tragic transition we make from our True God Self to our False Ego Self. It’s about the loss of our True Nature, and the coming home to it in recovery.
It is my fervent belief that everyone of us possesses a spark of the Divine within us, a Divinity that we shared with God even before our birth. And it is within this divine soul that each of us “is” – the place where we find our common “God-ness” and our goodness. The mistake many of us make when we fall into the abyss of addiction is thinking that we have fallen out of God’s graces. Because we believe that sin is the distance we put between ourselves and God, it’s no wonder how easily we can forget that God still loves us in spite of our sins! Certainly, if we don’t believe that God would ever forgive the grievous sins we have committed, how could we ever think that we could forgive ourselves?
One of the greatest blessings of an addict’s “hitting bottom” is the resurrection of the mind, body and soul that often follows. Of course, I am referring to those addict’s who are willing to follow a program of recovery – nay, work a program of recovery – which, by design, will reunite them with that higher self they used to be. And it is in that process that an addict will rediscover the goodness, and the God-ness, that has always been there, deep inside, waiting for his/her return. It is the greatest homecoming imaginable.
The power of the Parable of the Prodigal Son is in the triad of perceptions held by the father, the son, and the brother. Only the son can truly know the extent of his own sins, the weight of the tremendous guilt he bears, and the deep humiliation he fears by coming home. His dutiful brother, who has stayed in service to their father during the time of his absence, has only resentment toward him because of his sinful behavior. But, the father accepts his lost son with open arms, as though he were completely oblivious to the debauched life the son lived while he was away. It is almost as though those sins – the distance between them – never existed.
To be clear, individuals do not need to be recovering alcoholics or drug abusers to finally “come home” to their True Selves, where goodness is to be found. Many people will find that inner space of their true nature by following different spiritual paths, without having to rise from the ashes of their past destructive addictions. But the journey within, regardless of how long it takes us to embark on our individual sojourn, is the ultimate path of the enlightened. Like the recovering addict, Buddha would agree that the road to enlightenment begins from a place of suffering. While many look outward, towards other people and places, to find goodness in this world, the spiritual pilgrim will always discover it where he left it – in the sanctuary of his inner Being – the same place where he will find God waiting for his return home.
