Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.” – Benjamin Franklin
How often in life have we said (or heard others say), “If I had only done this or that, I would have been happy,” or “If I could only move here or there, I’d be happy,” or “If I only had more money, I’d be happy?” It seems to be part of humanity’s DNA to second-guess how much happier we would be if we only made different past, present, or future choices in life. We seem to live under the delusion that happiness only comes to us, externally, when we change our circumstances, or when our circumstances improve.
My dear gypsy mother, God bless her soul, lived a lifetime seeking happiness somewhere on the distant horizon, where she was confident that the grass was always greener. Every geographic move we made as a family, during my youth, was merely a means of satisfying my mother’s wanderlust and search for a happier life. Even though she possessed a joyful spirit, and a cheerful persona, I do believe that she thought there was some sort of treasure trove of happiness waiting for her, just over the next hill, if she were just willing to go and get it.
Being my mother’s son, I inherited her gypsy blood, but I’m not so sure that happiness was my ultimate goal every time I made a major move somewhere. For me, personally, I think I had a thirst for adventure more than anything else. I certainly never thought that whatever change I was bringing into my life would make me happy, probably because I have always felt that there already was a reservoir of happiness within my soul – it was just up to me to tap into it.
We’ve all heard people say that they have a “happy place” where they like to go to de-stress, relax, and enjoy themselves. It usually implies some form of sanctuary where one can escape the rat race of everyday life. Perhaps Disneyland (the self-proclaimed “Happiest Place On Earth”) exemplifies that quality to children and adults alike, because it harkens back to pleasing memories of Disney movies and characters from the more innocent days of our youth. A spa resort, a desert island, or mountain retreat might be other examples of geographic “happy places” people seek when the stormy winds of life are too much for them.
Ironically, even the most powerful, violent storms on earth – Category 5 hurricanes – have a clear, calm center at their core. If the Greater Los Angeles area can be looked at as the paragon of rat race stress and anxiety, Disneyland is that calm, peaceful oasis at its center. It represents the ideal haven for anyone trying to find a “happy place” to escape to. But, as we all eventually discover, true happiness is not to be found in an external destination – whether Disneyland, Bora Bora, or that imaginary Shangri-La over the next hill.
Then what is happiness? It is a feeling, a state of mind, an internal sense of peace, joy and well-being. But, where does it come from, and where does it exist? Does it exist for everyone? Can it be shared with others, or is it a unique sensation for each individual? Can happiness be summoned at will? If so, how?
Today, I became a grandparent for the seventh time. The sheer jubilation and happiness I felt this morning, after receiving the news of another grandchild, has filled me with joy this entire day. But, will I still feel the same amount of elation tomorrow, or a week from now? Will the degree of my happiness, as a result of this birth event, wane over time? Is it possible it could ever disappear altogether? Not if I carefully, and faithfully, store it within the safe depository of my inner being – for that is where my true happiness ultimately resides.
The big question becomes: How often do I choose to visit the happiness that lives within me? Many people go through life looking for that next thing to make them happy, without ever thinking to resource what is so readily accessible to them – not out there – but internally. The quickest way to an unhappy existence is to become dependent upon other people, things, events, or outcomes – expecting them to make you happy. The elation one feels after winning a football game won’t carry you through a subsequent losing streak unless you can replay that one victory in your mind, vividly, until you can once again feel happy about it. Football games, like political elections, are classic examples of how people (particularly those who depend on outcomes to make them happy) will either go home cheering at the top of their lungs, or will be completely devastated because of that one particular event. By their very nature, competitive events can never make both sides “happy.” Therefore, my advice is to not take them so seriously.
Because I choose not to rely on external forces to bring happiness to my doorstep, I work at “self-generating” happiness – by living in the present moment, and by maintaining an attitude of gratitude. My own constructive thoughts and actions have generated much of the happiness I have known for the majority of my life. By simply reflecting on the most positive memories I have filed away, spanning a lifetime, I can instantly conjure up an inner peace, or a sense of joy, that otherwise would lie dormant and forgotten. Happiness is always there to be found – if I only look inside myself.
As I was referencing Disneyland earlier in this Post, I couldn’t help but smile as I remembered the many trips our family has taken, over the years, to most of the Disney theme parks (both in the U.S. and internationally). My memories of those trips, and how happy our children (and subsequent grandchildren) were every time we visited those Magic Kingdoms, still fills me with joy today. Such is the reward for preserving our memories of life’s happiest moments.
I was just two years old when Disneyland opened in Anaheim, California, in July 1955. Since I grew up in Florida and Michigan, my parents never thought of California as a place to go on vacation. To their way of thinking, Los Angeles was on the other side of the earth, and the Golden Gate was just “a bridge too far.” Consequently, they never took my younger brother and I to Disneyland (or to California for that matter). But something fortuitous occurred in 1971, the year I graduated from high school and enlisted in the U.S. Army – Disney World opened in Florida.
Just before I was transferred overseas, in March 1972, my gypsy mother decided that she was going to take my 10-year-old brother and me to Disney World, and stay at the Polynesian Village (one of only two hotels there at the time). Since none of us had ever been to Disneyland, our introduction to Disney World was filled with constant wonder and joy. I got to witness my mother as never before – laughing on the rides, and making sure that we saw absolutely everything there was to see in the Magic Kingdom during the time we were there.
The three of us had the time of our lives on that trip together – but no one more than my mother. Having her two sons with her, in such a wondrous place, filled her with such a refreshing joy, and a deep-seated happiness, which I’m sure stayed in her heart forever. Witnessing the degree of my mother’s joy then has only compounded the happy memories I have now of that trip we shared. And the only way I have of reliving that joy and happiness we felt those many years ago, is by going inside myself, to that sacred place where I can still see my 48-year-old mother – riding on Cinderella’s Golden Carousel, or eating an ice cream cone on Main Street, U. S. A. – acting just like the happy little girl she once was many years earlier.
Preserve your memories, They’re all that’s left you.” – Paul Simon (Bookends)
