There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Today would have been my father’s 100th Birthday if he were still alive. When Dad passed away in 1999, he passed on to me a philosophy of life which has put me in good stead ever since. As I mention in the opening of the Preface to my book The Pono Principle (2017), “My father taught me pono. More accurately, my father demonstrated pono throughout his life – he lived pono.” What that means is that he always practiced doing the right thing in all areas of his life – the very personification, and essence, of The Pono Principle.
It just so happened that I received a parcel from England today that I had ordered last month – Christopher Robin’s Teddy Bear, “Edward.” It is a beautiful replica of the Alpha Farnell teddy bear who famously inspired A. A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh stories. You might well wonder what a 65-year-old man is doing ordering a teddy bear for himself. I completely understand. Well, it’s like this: I don’t remember having a teddy bear as a child (although I very well may have had one or two). After recently watching a movie about Christopher Robin, I felt motivated to buy the exact same bear that Christopher’s mother bought for him for his first birthday. (Mind you, as someone who thinks that his alter ego is Peter Pan, maybe my purchase isn’t so strange after all).
Of course, the first order of business was to give my new teddy bear a name. Although his manufacturer calls him “Edward” (a tribute to Christopher Robin’s name choice for the bear), I wanted to come up with a name that was both personal, and meaningful, to me. Since it was my father’s 100th Birthday, I decided to name the bear after him – “Walter.” But the more I looked at the bear, the more I thought that the name “Walter” didn’t quite suit him (anymore than “Edward” did, in my opinion). But then I remembered how Dad would sometimes refer to himself as “Sir Walter” (although I know for a fact that he was never knighted by the Queen of England). And since I will forever associate my father with The Pono Principle, I decided to name my teddy bear – “Sir Walter,” the Pono Bear.
Which brings me to what I believe is my new teddy bear’s “purpose” for my life. Since I was a little boy, Dad always guided me by his words – and even more so by his actions – as to what doing the right thing was in all situations. He always assured me that I would know what the right thing to do was if I just followed my conscience. Despite the fact that my conscience was not a tangible thing that I could see with my eyes, or touch with my hands, nevertheless, I knew that it was a very real thing that I could rely on when making difficult decisions. If it helped me, as a child, to envision my conscience being an angel on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, or to imagine having Jiminy Cricket as my best friend and counselor, then so be it. As long as I believed that the right answer – to all things – was already known inside of me, I could grow up confident that my conscience would always guide me correctly.
And there lies the most important feature of conscience-motivated behavior – it doesn’t rely on outside opinions and answers. A true act of conscience comes from deep within one’s self; more specifically, from one’s true self. Therefore, a true act of conscience is, by definition, an act of true self-righteousness. A decision that comes from within our innermost conscious being is not only uniquely personal to us as individuals, but can always be relied on to be the right decision for us to make in any given situation. But don’t expect to find any kind of conscience within our false self for your search will be in vain.
Recently, I heard a fellow addict admit that she never had any kind of conscience during her years of alcoholism and drug abuse. Her false self (i.e. the self-centered, unsympathetic, uncompassionate person that the addict unconsciously morphs into) had no ability to discern right from wrong behavior simply because her addiction influenced every decision she made, and every action she took. Therefore, doing the right thing was not part of her daily thinking pattern. It was only when she began her 12-Step recovery work that she discovered the presence of a conscience deep within her true self – that person who existed long before her addiction, who has now risen from the wreckage of those unconscious years.
In our global society, people are not only expected to know what is ethically right and wrong, but also what is lawfully right and wrong. “Ignorance of the law is no excuse,” is what we often hear when individuals try to plead their innocence after committing a societal crime. But, isn’t it interesting that when someone commits the most heinous of crimes – murder – there is a legal defense available to the perpetrator if they find that person legally insane? What society is basically asserting is that any sane individual (in legal parlance, a “reasonable mind”) would consciously know that murder is the wrong thing to do (without having to take a Criminal Law course in law school). The “insanity defense” was created to apply in cases where a court determines that an individual, charged with a crime, cannot discern right from wrong (i.e. has no conscience) – therefore, by their legal definition, such an individual must be considered insane.
I’ll leave it to the brainiac attorneys, and judges, to determine who is considered legally sane and insane. As a recovering alcoholic and drug user, I can vouch for the fact that my conscience was nowhere to be found during most of those self-absorbed years of substance abuse and insanity. As my fellow 12-Step “Programmers” will attest, we know all too well that our recovery depends upon our willingness to reach a point where we “came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Maybe it’s just coincidence, but that moment of clarity seems to coincide with when my conscience “kicked back in” again.
Perhaps it is a bit silly that a man of my age would go out and buy a teddy bear for himself, and then name the bear after his father. And maybe it’s sillier still to think that “Sir Walter” would somehow be my daily reminder that I should always let my conscience be my guide. Well, I can live with silly. Silly is so much more comforting, and painless, than being insane. I truly know that now.
So, Happy 100th Birthday, Dad. Thank you for the many life lessons you so graciously taught me. Thank you for demonstrating unconditional love towards my mother and your two sons. Thank you for the music that filled our home either from your clarinet or your stereo console. Thank you for showing me how to navigate through the uncharted waters of life by trusting in my Creator’s guiding light. And thank you for demonstrating what it is to be a man of principle, courage and, above all, humility. I suppose that I should also wish “Sir Walter” a Happy Birthday, as well. He only just arrived a few hours ago. It will be nice to have him around, if only to remind me of you. I send you my love and eternal gratitude – from the two of us – silly old me, and my silly old bear.
